July 13th, 2006

Subject: wow. Time: 10:57 pm

"dahil ikaw ang sigaw ng puso ko, ikaw ang nasa isip ko, ang nais ko ay malaman mo, na ikaw ang tanging pangarap ng buhay pag-ibig ko sayo ibibigay, ang nais ko ay malaman mo, na mahal kita." kung paano tayo umabot sa ganito, hindi ko na siguro yun ma eeksplika. wirdo yung mga pangyayari eh. nagstart akong ma attach sayo nung sinabi mo sakin na galit ka sa mundo. nung pinresenta mo sakin lahat ng problema mo sa buhay at problema ng buhay sayo. normally, iiwas ako sa mga taong katulad mo. sabi ko nga diba, kung normal yung takbo ng utak ko, matatakot ako sa mga katulad mo. wasak ka eh, patapon. eh ako, buong buhay ko parang ayos lahat, parang organisado, parang matutulog palang ako ngayon, alam ko na ulit gagawin ko bukas. pero siguro nga, loko loko ang buhay. hindi mo alam kung anong laro ang ipapataw sayo. ako, palagay ko napagtripan ng mundo. binigyan ako ng taong sobrang hirap i-handle, nagpapalit ng isip every 5 minutes (14 hours pag major decisions), at halos walang pakiramdam (o takot na may maramdaman). sa loob ng ilang linggo, nakilala na kita. nakabisado ko kung paano ka mag-isip, nagaya nako sa paraan mo ng pagtetext, nababasa ko na laman ng isip mo, at oo, naiintindihan ko na lahat ng pagkaolats mo. isa kang malaking pahirap, seryoso. pero ewan ko ba, mas pinapahirapan mo ko, parang mas tumitindi yung nararamdaman ko. hindi ko maintindihan pero may parte sakin na parang gusto kang pasayahin, na gustong maging parte ng buhay mong sobrang gulo, na gustong mahalin mo. napakita mo sakin na malawak ang kapasidad kong magmahal. kahit ako, hindi ko alam na kaya kong magmahal ng ganito katindi eh. unang beses sa buhay ko na sobrang taken for granted ako at hinaharap ko parin ang sitwasyon ng nakangiti, at nasasabi ko parin na ok lang ako. at totoo naman, ok lang ako. seryoso, kering keri pa to. hihintayin kita, kahit matagal. hindi ako mapapagod, kung yun ang goal mo, sorry ka, matiyaga tong kinalaban mo. at sabi ko sayo diba, pag nagdesisyon ako, hindi ko binabawi? sigurado nako. mahal kita. after two weeks... galit nga siguro ang mundo sakin. ano bang ginawa ko para paglaruan ako ng tadhana ng ganito? minahal naman kita sa paraan na alam ko, o sa abot ng kaya ko. at kung hindi yun sapat, pasensya na kasi yun lang yung kaya ko eh, yun lang yung paraan na naturo sakin ng masyado kong "maliit" at protektadong mundo. ito na yung pinakamasakit na pakiramdam na naramdaman ko, hindi ko alam kung anong kaya kong gawin sa sarili ko dahil dito. pinaglaban na nga kita sa lahat ng nagsasabing hindi ka para sakin, pero anong magagawa ko kung walang "spark"? di nadadaan sa effort yun. kahit pa lumusong ako sa bagyo para makarating sa makati at masamahan ka, kahit pa nilalagnat ako ngayon. kahit pa pinanood kitang mabore sa medical mo, eh andun naman ako. at nagmadali ka lang umuwi. sabihin mo lang sakin ngayon na kalimutan ko lahat ng yon, gagawin ko. sabihin mo lang na mahal mo parin ako at di importante ang spark na yan, hindi ako magiisip ng dalawang beses, babalik ako sa normal na parang walang nangyari, na parang hindi ako nasaktan sa basura treatment. kasi mahal kita. at hindi ako mapapagod maghintay, at hindi ako mapapagod magtiis, at hindi ako bibitaw, hanggang ikaw ang magsabing wala na talaga kong kakapitan. parang just 8 days ago.. ikaw: game na, totoo na to. ako: huy, don't rush things. pagisipan muna natin. ikaw: sigurado nako. ako: wala nang bawian? ikaw: wala na. ako: promise? ikaw: promise. just trust me. ako: i trust you. ang galing noh?

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May 28th, 2006

Current Music: panaginip lang-paramita Current Location: heaven. toink. skerri. hahaha. Subject: oh happy day. :) Time: 12:22 am Current Mood: ecstatic

birthday ni cake kanina, at invited ako. yehey! happy birthday cake, salamat sa pabaon mong cake! nyeeeee. korny! hahaha. ansaya talaga kasama nila jedjed. BOYS+keavy na ba talaga? ang special ng pangalan ko goodness. hahaahha. sabit ako lagi, at masaya ang pagiging sabit. ina ko si jedyne tuwing bitbit niya ko. yehey yehey! nakilala ko na din si alex (so basically, kilala ko na ang buong band Ü) at si diane (so kilala ko na din ang buong boys. hahaha) kaya masaya talaga. musta naman at ngayon lang ako bumonding sa kanila kung kelan di na sila high school. hahaha. i have lotsa lotsa college friends ah! at mukhang sa wednesday (teka, wednesday ba o sabaday, naku, nalimutan na.) ay sasabit na naman ako sa birthday naman ni alex, san ka, 1 week friend? hahahaha. ayyyy. mamimiss ko to pag pasukan blues na. thanks mafmaf for the ride home :) salamat chocnut, mafmaf, lea, mishka, proy, alex, diane, grace tan at cake, super saya ng araw ko. mahal ko kayo :)

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April 21st, 2006

Current Music: rosas Current Location: heaven :) Subject: kilos kabataan :) Time: 12:53 am Current Mood: weiiiird.

isang “WOODSTOCK” ang kailangan natin. hindi naman nito adhikain agad na bigyang-solusyon ang lahat-lahat ng problema ng bayan natin. kailangan lamang muna sa ngayon malaman ng mundo na nagbabantay tayo, nagmamatiyag at may pakialam. baka sakali lang kasi na mamulat sila na mayroong nagkakaisang grupo ng mga kabataan na handang kumilos para sa mas maayos na lipunan. bagamat lahat ay maaaring makapasok, may mga ilang patakaran: i. bawal ang kahit anong banner, pins, t-shirts o kahit anong bagay na nagsusumigaw ng isang political [man o hind] na group/party/organization. - lahat tayo ay iisa, walang grupo-grupo, walang pasiklaban. ito ang dahilan kung bakit hindi tayo nagkakasisa at ito rin ang dahilan kung bakit mayroon pa ring naka-puwesto. Kung gusto ng inyong grupo na magpasiklab at ihayag ang sariling plataporma, magdaos ng sariling event. ii. peace tayo. - may kupaw man o wala, ok lang. Ang importante, kapag ayaw ng performer, walang bastusan. Konsiyerto ito para sa kapayapaan. Bawal ang armas. iii. bagamat hindi kumakampi sa kahit kaninong grupo [ows], may mga adhikain pa ring kailangang isulong: iii.a. may pakialam ako sa bayan ko kaya irerespeto ko ang ang aking sarili, kapwa at kapaligiran. iii.b. tutol ako sa giyera para sa langis. iii.c. itigil ang korupsyon. iii.d. aalis ako ng bansa, magma-migrate ako pero babalik ako at tutulong sa aking mga kababayan. Kung maaari, hindi na nga ako aalis. Kailangan kasi ako ng Pinas. iii.e. edukasyon para sa lahat. iii.f. responsible media iii.g. responsible youth iv. hindi ito joke. - ibig sabihin may mga pag-aaral na kailangang ilunsad bago ang nasabing event. Hindi sapat ang puso at hindi rin naman sapat ang utak lang. *Kung saka-sakaling gusto niyong tumulong, ang e-group ay bayan_ko@yahoogroups.com kebs na sa ka-chakahan [char] ng account. Baka gusto niyong sumali. Maghintay hanggang bukas, post ko rito. Doon natin simulan ang ating pag-aaral at ang pagpaplano ng mga susunod pang mga hakbang. Pansamantala, i-email muna ako sa ju_tearjerky@yahoo.com para sa mga mungkahi o katanungan. Kung nais itong i-forward, walang problema roon. Salamat! ****poted by ate ju :) sali na :)

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April 19th, 2006

Time: 11:09 pm

super saya ng baguio triiiiip! :) kahit na sobrang buhay baboy kami dun, shooot. happy happy! thanks jow, ra and tita josie :) ay, si ate tere pa pala :) basta, ansaya! sobrang spoiled kami sa trip na yun :) sa baguio na kami mag aaral for college? chaka papagawa kami ng mansion namin don, tumingin na nga kami ng mga gamit sa bahay eh.. hahahaha :) UP baguio, here we go! niahahahaha. namiss ko tuloy si RA at jow :) andaming times sa baguio trip na tulog si RA, walang pakisama! hahaha. 2 nights naman kami nag h to h ni jow. woosh. what we talked about in baguio, stays there. tom, celeb kami nila tella, kit and I-1.. thursday, bonding with mami poi and bez raych :) friday-saturday next week, fontana with superfriends! :) sunday-monday, subic (tentative pa) musta naman? nilulubos lubos ko ang summer.ü ~pagdating ng schoolyear, magbabago na lahat. ~basta, believe me.. sasaya tayo. sigurado. ~monterssssssss. ~laloo laloo laloo mode ~my GOD is an AWESOME GOD. Dear Papa God, Medyo magulo ang mundo ngayon, pero ang galing galing mo parin.Ü Nababalanse mo lahat, grabe, astig. Minsan iniisip ko paborito mo kong bigyan ng problema, pero pag ganong mode nako, lagi kang nakakabawi.ü Ngayon naiintindihan ko na yung sinasabi ng nanay ko na mabuhay ako para Sayo at aayos ang lahat, tama siya, masarap mabuhay para Sayo. Wala na kong gagawin na makakasakit Sayo ulit. Lahat sila, itataas ko nalang Sayo. Ang swerte ko, ang lakas ng kinakapitan ko, ang galing ng kakampi ko, IKAW. Kulang ang salita para maparating ko sayo kung gaano ako kasaya na nakilala kita. Salamat.

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April 6th, 2006

Current Music: carousel-paramita Current Location: neverland.ü Subject: i know myself better than anyone else. :) Time: 12:34 pm Current Mood: bored

ok. book closed. ayaw ko na pag-usapan ang mga walang kakwenta kwentang bagay. hahaha. keavy's analogy: i know myself better than anyone else, those dear to me know me better, therefore, i need not prove anything to THEM. THEM who i don't care a bit about. hahaha. DEADMA is the solution. so this will be the last post regarding that. anyway, this quizzes know me better. JOKE. kirni. Your Career Type: Artistic You are expressive, original, and independent. Your talents lie in your artistic abilities: creative writing, drama, crafts, music, or art. You would make an excellent: Actor - Art Teacher - Book Editor Clothes Designer - Comedian - Composer Dancer - DJ - Graphic Designer Illustrator - Musician - Sculptor The worst career options for your are conventional careers, like bank teller or secretary. What's Your Ideal Career? You Are 60% Happy You're definitely a happy person, even though you have your down moments. You tend to get the most out of life, though there's always some more happiness to be squeezed. How Happy Are You? Slow and Steady Your friends see you as painstaking and fussy. They see you as very cautious, extremely careful, a slow and steady plodder. It'd really surprise them if you ever did something impulsively or on the spur of the moment. They expect you to examine everything carefully from every angle and then usually decide against it. How Do People See You? hindi to totoo. haha You Are Internal - Realist - Empowered You feel your life is controlled internally. If you want something, you make it happen. You don't wait around for things to go your way. You value your independence and don't like others to have control. You are a realist when it comes to luck. You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random. You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you... But you do your best to try to make your own luck. You have a good deal of power, but you also know the pecking order. You realize that working the system does get you further. You know who to defer to and who to control. When it comes to the game of life, you play things flawlessly. The Three Dimension Luck and Power Test medyo agree ako dito :) Your Inner Child Is Surprised You see many things through the eyes of a child. Meaning, you're rarely cynical or jaded. You cherish all of the details in life. Easily fascinated, you enjoy experiencing new things. How Is Your Inner Child? i wanna be a kid again :) You Are 40% Evil A bit of evil lurks in your heart, but you hide it well. In some ways, you are the most dangerous kind of evil. How Evil Are You? Your Personality Profile You are nurturing, kind, and lucky. Like mother nature, you want to help everyone. You are good at keeping secrets and tend to be secretive. A seeker of harmony, you are a natural peacemaker. You are good natured and people enjoy your company. You put people at ease and make them feel at home with you. The World's Shortest Personality Test You Are 44% Abnormal You are at medium risk for being a psychopath. It is somewhat likely that you have no soul. You are at high risk for having a borderline personality. It is very likely that you are a chaotic mess. You are at low risk for having a narcissistic personality. It is unlikely that you are in love with your own reflection. You are at low risk for having a social phobia. It is unlikely that you feel most comfortable in your mom's basement. You are at low risk for obsessive compulsive disorder. It is unlikely that you are addicted to hand sanitizer. How Abnormal Are You? Your Personality Is Idealist (NF) You are a passionate, caring, and unique person. You are good at expressing yourself and sharing your ideals. You are the most compassionate of all types and connect with others easily. Your heart tends to rule you. You can't make decisions without considering feelings. You seek out other empathetic people to befriend. Truth and authenticity matters in your friendships. In love, you give everything you have to relationships. You fall in love easily. At work, you crave personal expression and meaning in your career. With others, you communicate well. You can spend all night talking with someone. As far as your looks go, you've likely taken the time to develop your own personal style. On weekends, you like to be with others. Charity work is also a favorite pastime of yours. The Three Question Personality Test Your Band Name is: The Amish Circus Band Name Generator You Are Olive Green You are the most real of all the green shades. You're always true to yourself. For you, authenticity and honesty are very important... both in others and yourself. You are grounded and secure. It takes a lot to shake you. People see you as dependable, probably the most dependable person they know. What Color Green Are You? You Are a Sprinkled Donut Flamboyant and flashy, you're easily distracted by shiny things. You're definitely a snazzy number, and you usually catch everyone's eye in the room. And you've got the goods to back it up your colorful image. (Though too much of you gives people a stomach ache!) What Donut Are You? Your Five Factor Personality Profile Extroversion: You have high extroversion. You are outgoing and engaging, with both strangers and friends. You truly enjoy being with people and bring energy into any situation. Enthusiastic and fun, you're the first to say "let's go!" Conscientiousness: You have high conscientiousness. Intelligent and reliable, you tend to succeed in life. Most things in your life are organized and planned well. But you borderline on being a total perfectionist. Agreeableness: You have high agreeableness. You are easy to get along with, and you value harmony highly. Helpful and generous, you are willing to compromise with almost anyone. You give people the benefit of the doubt and don't mind giving someone a second chance. Neuroticism: You have medium neuroticism. You're generally cool and collected, but sometimes you do panic. Little worries or problems can consume you, draining your energy. Your life is pretty smooth, but there's a few emotional bumps you'd like to get rid of. Openness to experience: Your openness to new experiences is high. In life, you tend to be an early adopter of all new things and ideas. You'll try almost anything interesting, and you're constantly pushing your own limits. A great connoisseir of art and beauty, you can find the positive side of almost anything. The Five Factor Personality Test Your Life Path Number is 8 Your purpose in life is to help others succeed You are both a natural leader and a natural success. You are also a great judge of character. You have a head for business and finance. You know how to make money. A great visionary, you can see gold where other people see nothing. In love, you are very generous - with gifts, time, and guidance. You love to inspire people, but it can be frustrating when they don't understand your vision. Great success comes easily for you. But so does great failure, as you are very reckless. You are confident, and sometimes this confidence borders on arrogance. What Is Your Life Path Number? Your Scholastic Strength Is Deep Thinking You aren't afraid to delve head first into a difficult subject, with mastery as your goal. You are talented at adapting, motivating others, managing resources, and analyzing risk. You should major in: Philosophy Music Theology Art History Foreign language What Should You Major In? HINDI AKO BORED. GRABE. HAHA.

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March 18th, 2006

Current Music: unbelievable-craig david Subject: II-1, i miss you bad. awwww. Time: 02:14 pm Current Mood: bitchy

i miss II-1. :( the best classmates ever. reunion naman daw guys! sobrang nagkakamiss-an na tayo ah :) nasenti ako today, kasi nagbasa ako ng past entries ko at ni clusi about II-1. hay. II-1 is my ultimate family in mc. as in walang makakahigit. actually, masaya naman sa III-4 eh, divided nga lang dahil sa mga tra la la la la. friendster profile bitch. joke. ayun, namimiss ko lahat ng taga II-1, except for one of course. bakit ba lagi siyang nasisingit? kanina ang saya namin ni camelle na nagmoomoony moony about II-1, bigla siyang ag online. pweh! bastaaaa. india anniv nga pala nung 11. REUNIOOOOOOON. ;)

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March 11th, 2006

Current Music: panaginip lang-paramita Subject: COMFORT WOMAN Time: 10:36 pm Current Mood: feminist-y ;)

The play was beautiful, yeah, sad, but really beautiful. Why? Because it was an eye-opener for everyone. The life of Lola Rosa could be the life of anyone else in my generation, or the generation next to mine, that is if nobody will stand up and shout "stop!". It was so unfortunate for the people who missed the play, you guys missed half of your life. Missy speaks so well, and Kuki was just fantastic. My feminist heart really got smashed. Oh, and theater... Bitterness got me again last night, Bitterness for people who took away the chance for me to do something I love so dearly, something I am so passionate about, something that completes my being, performing. Performing for a purpose. Oops. Props to Missy Maramara, the whole cast, Lola Rosa, and all the women of the world! It's time to speak up!ü

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February 26th, 2006

Subject: NATIONALISM AS ITS HIGHEST. Time: 10:33 pm Current Mood: nationalistic

kung mabibigyan ako ng pagkakataon, babarilin ko si gloria. hindi ko yun pagsisisihan, kahit na ibitay pa ko kinabukasan. umasa ako na may patutunguhan ang galit ng marines sa pagsibak kay miranda, wala naman din pala. sayang. umiyak ako sa kotse pauwi. ang gulo gulo na nga ng bansa, wala pang ginawa ang mga tao kundi magreklamo. wala namang ginagawang mga konkretong hakbang para sa pagbabago. ayaw niyo na ginagago tayo ni arroyo? eh bakit nakatunganga lang kayo sa mga bahay niyo? ayos lang kung dinadaan lahat sa dasal, pero naman, kung isa ka sa mga taong ni hindi nagbubukas ng tv at walang kaalam alam sa mga bagay, mahiya ka sa balat mo. umalis ka nalang sa bansang to. GALIT AKO SA LINTIK NA PANGULO AT SA MGA WALANG HIYA NIYANG GALAMAY. BAKIT NIYO GUSTONG ALISIN ANG FREEDOM OF EXPRESSION? GALIT DIN AKO SA MGA APATETIKO, WALA KAYONG NATUTULONG SA BAYANG TO. at sa mga nagsasabing.. "ur a kid, better stay at home." naaawa ako SAYO. kung magiging parte ako ng grupong babago sa bansang to, pagtatawanan ko ang mga kawawang ignorante't apatetikong tulad mo.

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